HAWKINS, FINN E.

[finn hawkins]

FINN ETHAN HAWKINS Finn Ethan Hawkins (born 10/06/1990) is an American stunt performer, comedian, and TV personality. His entertainment career is mostly centered on his performance stunts on the American TV series Jackass. Hawkins is also famous for being twin brother to Rory Hawkins, perpetrator of the 2007 McKinley Killings.

- "Finn Hawkins on Good and Evil... and Paintballs. Lots and Lots of Paintballs. (Rolling Stone)"

- "@HarleyD: How the fuck does @finnhawk even have a career?"

- "Finn Hawkins McKinley High Year Book 2006"

your signature: a scattering of bruises and at least one open wound.
your coffee order: snorted.
your go-to magazine: none.
your favorite brand: what?
your ultimate goal: to live forever.

I absolutely don't understand: tax reforms.
I've always looked up to: my dad.
I'm most likely to feud with: that girl from Temper.
I'm starting to pay attention to: the other girl from Temper.
I've always wanted to hook up with: see above.
I wonder what it's like to be: coherent.

"Hi Finn,

You may not remember me, but we went to school together. I thought you were an asshole, I won't deny that. When I heard about your show I thought you were the dumbest fucking asshole going. But I was there that day. I saw your face, watching his face... you looked heart-broken, Finn. Like love as a concept died to you in that moment, hit the floor with those bodies. I think you knew your father was gone, there and then. I think you might have thought it was your sister, too, maybe even that stupidly pretty mom of yours. In that moment I felt terribly sorry for you, even in the midst of all that terror.

I'm writing to tell you that your show is completely and utterly stupid, and quite possibly signals the end of civilization as we know it. But that you go out there and make it is something like courage.

I hope you've found some peace, Finn Hawkins.

love,

Selina Sutton."

what, if anything, keeps you grounded?

Having a much more famous brother.

what do you believe was the most defining moment of your career?

Definitely the getting hit by a truck thing.

where's your escape from the city?

I like cities, you're never far from hospitals. Next.

what are you like when you're out of the spotlight?

Exactly the same.

how do you think your team would describe working with you?

"Fucking annoying. He eats all the Doritos, every fucking time."

what did you want to do with your life before you became famous?

I wanted to play football.

any inside details on your latest project?

It involves a lot of rusty nails.

father: Leo Hawkins, retired Patriots QB, deceased.
mother: Anna Hawkins, housewife.
siblings: Rory Hawkins, 23, serving life in jail. Isabelle Hawkins, 18, student.
other: N/A.

On October 11th 2007, Rory Hawkins took a loaded M4 Carbine to his school, McKinley High, located in the Boston suburbs. He shot dead eight of our classmates and three of our teachers, near fatally injuring twelve more. That morning, Rory had shot dead his father, Leo Hawkins, who had earlier received an urgent call asking him to return to their family home. He partially orphaned himself and his younger sister Isabelle, thirteen at the time, in addition to me, his twin brother.

You'd be hard pressed to find an article about me that doesn't reference Rory, even now. Rory Hawkins, removed from the public eye for going on eight years now, and the man still shadows me. "Finn Hawkins, professional moron, twin brother to the McKinley Killer...", "Hosed by Finn Hawkins, whose brother tragically shot and killed thirteen people in 2007...". When you work in what could loosely be defined as the realm of comedy, having a homicidal identical twin is not the greatest prop. Look, even now, even me, you've asked me about my history and all we've talked about is him! That was his point all along though, that fame is cheap and fleeting, but infamy is a resilient motherfucker, ever-lasting. He killed those people as proof of the irrelevance of the things they represented in his eyes - a scholar, a footballer, my girlfriend. Scarlett Evans, the girl I dated for three years back in high school, and he gunned her down just to piss me off. I'm not kidding-- he told me as much. Y'know they didn't even let me go to her memorial? I guess I get it.

Anyway, what I said about fame vs. infamy, I need to clarify. It's not like I wanted to be famous. Back in school I wanted to play pro football, like every dumb fuck with a muscle mass that way outstrips his GPA. But when we were younger it was a different kind of fame that I enjoyed and he so loathed. He was the one who was completely obsessed with it though, my high school brand of fame. He'd constantly mock my popularity, the ease with which I could talk to people and connect. As far as Rory was concerned it was the world's greatest character failing. He mocked my love of sport and even my love of cheerleaders - mocked my blandness, my predictability. Rory was himself viciously intelligent and yet even more viciously apathetic about every single thing. And far from being blind to the pain his emotional vacuousness caused our mom, he would go out of his way to cultivate it. He craved her disapproval the same way I craved our dad's approval; I'd beg dad to come out back to throw a ball around, and he'd make a point of eating raw beef in front of our vegan mom, never breaking eye contact as vividly red blood dripped down his chin. I felt and still feel bad, as our mom's fussiness had always annoyed me too, and I would usually laugh along as she burst into tears. Killing our dad was his piece de resistance, though - robbing me of my idol, Bella of her protector, and our mom of her everything. That's what everything comes down to for Rory, maximum destruction with minimal exertion.

He was always right, too. Maybe not in his paranoid rants about how everyone was out to get him, but definitely in that he would now outshine me forever. I'm enjoying a certain amount of fame nowadays, I mean, I do pretty well, and like I said, here I am talking about him. That's it, that's me for life. Stuck being Rory's brother. Stuck being his mirror image, though actually he looks like total shit these days, but no one else really seems to realize that. But you know what? I bet you're worried I'll stop talking about him. It's always the same with journalists. Imagine making small talk with someone when you know a little slither of gossip about them. You're asking how they are, how're the kids, isn't the weather just terrible... but really, you're getting that shit out of the way so you can get to the good stuff. And she knows that. It's this formality that 99% of people can't shake, because it's what normal people do - hey, Rory never did smalltalk, and look where he wound up. So yeah, I talk about Rory, and in return journalists will say a few words about my work. I'd be more pissed off if what I did wasn't so fucking ridiculous.

About my career, if you can really call it that. It started four years ago, just about. I was in a deep existential malaise over the fact that, y'know, two of my friends, my girlfriend and my dad had been killed by my psychopathic twin. Do you have any fucking idea how weird it is to watch someone who looks exactly like you gun down your friends? It's gotten better since we've grown into our faces and out of the images that were plastered all over the news, but I still get recognized at least once a day. My own fault for getting famous. Anyway, I was in a shitty place missing my dad, missing Rory even, and the friends I had left eventually had enough of it. They put together the longest list you can imagine of shit so stupid you can't even imagine it, and around fifty stunts later - all of which were documented on our blog - we had a show on MTV. Literally, that's all it takes these days.

Jackass is the antithesis of everything Rory stood for. Cold, calculated and obsessed with the logic behind everything, he completely despises the rampant celebration of stupidity that is the show I host. I've broken practically every bone in my body at least twice, been nude in public almost as much as I've been clothed, taken paintballs to the groin, put a variety of electrical appliances in my mouth, gone car surfing, jumped from a ten-storey window... My mom has absolutely nothing to be proud of when it comes to her sons. Still, I think I'd take being the moron who does stupid shit on TV with his friends over being the one who shoots over 20 people in cold blood. At least my sister can still stand to look at me, just about.

It was inevitable that I'd talk at length about Rory, because he took over all our lives that day. Everything comes down to him, what he did, why he did it, and how we could have stopped him. Psychologists have loved using us to question the notion of a good twin vs. an evil one, trotting us out to compare and contrast, a perfect nature vs. nurture case study for those who strongly prefer theories based on nature. They made a big deal about my charity work and my wide group of friends, contrasting it to Rory's hatred of others, his self-inflicted reclusion. Other people were less kind, assuming that the two of us must be two peas in a pod and that I was effectively a timebomb, no matter what good deeds I had to my name. I think I've sufficiently convinced them all of my stupidity by now, though. Plenty of families looked a me and saw the boy who killed their beloved child at worst, or the boy who could have but didn't stop him at best. Worst of all was Scarlett's family, who had loved me so much up until that point. I guess these things have a way of changing opinions. As soon as I could afford to get out of Boston I did.

As you might have gleaned by now, up until that day I had lived a pretty good life. Even since. One of three, I never felt lonely as a kid, even if Rory didn't make for cheerful company. Our parents loved us. If it seemed like my dad loved me more, it was only because I gave him so much more to work with... a retired footballer, we shared an avid enthusiasm for sport that saw us spend a lot of quality time together, watching games and debating scores. I miss my dad a lot. Coincidentally - or not - I've lost most of my love for football now. My mother was always prone to worry, neurotic. She fussed over Rory's initially slow development as much as she fussed over his subsequent rapid development to the level of 'Gifted', something that panicked her as much as his being late to talk had years before. Despite our differences, I would have and still do call Rory my best friend. Against all reason, he is.

But yeah, I had a normal childhood filled with sport and crushes and schoolyard scrapes. If what happened hadn't happened I'd probably have gone to college, got fat and got a typically tedious job in an office in Boston, where I'd waste the majority of my life in a cubicle, counting down the days to retirement. I'm not saying I'm glad what happened happened - fuck, I'd have to be a monster. I miss all those people like they were fucking family, and more than a couple of them practically were. But I don't hate my life now, and every day it gets a little easier. I visit Rory a couple times a month, I "work" a couple days a week, and I make more money than I should when I'm just fucking around with my friends. It's easier to ignore the shitty parts of your life when you're constantly putting yourself through degrees of torture and getting rounds of applause for it.

alias: lex.
age: 22.
play-by: sam way.
spotlight group: limelight.
city: ny.
listening to: yeah - dead players.

[administrator]