DELUISE, Stella A.

[Deleted]

STELLA ANNE DELUISE

_{TURNS OUT FREEDOM AIN'T NOTHING BUT MISSING YOU
WISHING I'D REALISED WHAT I HAD WHEN YOU WERE MINE}

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NICKNAME: stel
AGE & BIRTHDAY: twenty seven
HOMETOWN: boston
RESIDENCE: new york
PROFESSION:
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: divorced

LIKES -  mimosas, shopping, designing, functional spaces, antiques, holiday homes, new york, callen and judith, attention, affection, charming men with free drinks, freedom, manhattan, reality tv, luxury, lazy sundays, cats.    

DISLIKES -  shellfish, marriage, being ignored, empty bank accounts, being condescended,  brooklyn, reality tv, long hours, dogs, fighting, physical violence, callen's job, bugs, mess, having to be punctual, masculine spaces.

5 THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME -

WHY THE CITY LIFE?

you obviously don't know new york if you have to ask that question. ever since i moved here, i've been in love with this place. the weather, the places, the art, the beauty, the people, the shopping. it's magnificent. i'd wish i'd come here and had this kinda freedom when i was younger. discovering all this now seems like a waste.

                

DESCRIBE THE PEOPLE/FEEL OF YOUR BUILDING/NEIGHBORHOOD.

it's quaint. it's not flashy or over the top, it's respectable, it's beautiful and it's much nicer then brooklyn.

WHAT CHANGES HAVE YOU MADE IN THE PAST 5 YEARS?

i got married, i had a baby, i moved to new york and ultimately, i got divorced. it definitely wasn't the 5 year plan i was dreaming up as a i was marrying callen, but that's just how things go sometimes.

HOW CAN SOMEONE TELL IF YOU'RE LYING OR GUILTY?

i don't know... i guess it depends how guilty or what i'm lying about, or maybe even how well you know me. i think i'm a fairly good liar, or maybe i just got better at it.

DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONAL MORALS:

personal morals? what kind of question is that? i'm a good person, i do good things. i was never completely unfaithful and i never neglect judy. what a stupid question.

HOW MIGHT SOMEONE ATTRACT YOUR ATTENTION?

smile, buy me a drink, be charming, attractive, tall and rich.

ONE LOVES OR MANY LOVES? WHY?

many loves. i tried to have one love and i felt caged in, love gets stale. i love the thrill of meeting someone and going through all the firsts again.

A FAVORITE KIND OF KISS?

hungry, passionate and desperate. the kind where you can't keep your hands off one another.

WOULD YOU RATHER RELIVE YOUR GREATEST MOMENT OR REDO YOUR WORST MISTAKE? EXPLAIN.

it seems stupid, but i would give anything to relive my wedding day all over again. it was a beautiful day, completely extravagant and elaborate and callen and i were so in love... i looked so beautiful in my dress and he looked so charming, and we were the perfect couple. we didn't have jobs and a baby to worry about... if i could take a perfect moment in time and go back to it, that would be it.

FATHER: edward deluise, general practitioner
MOTHER: annabeth deluise, interior designer
SIBLINGS: nil
EXTENDED: judith ftizpatrick, kid
PETS: nil

"i was an only child, and i suppose you could imagine how that worked out for me. i can admit i was a little spoilt. i was a daddy's girl, he bought me anything i could ever want and i was my mother's little doll. i love when she dressed me up and took me shopping or out for manicures and coffee. we're all quiet close, and still are to this day. i opened a new york branch of my mother's designing company and we work together on a day to day basis through correspondence and video chat. and the three of us will often spend weekends together at our holiday home at martha's vineyard."

for a long time my life was defined by callen fitzpatrick. we grew up together, although our families were miles apart. we were friends from kindergarten through to the last days of high school. i even remember crying when we were separated into different classes in the third grade and he cuddled me and held me tight and told me he would still be my friend and i thought i was the luckiest girl in the world. he was my first kiss on the playground when we were children, but first boyfriend in middle school even when i was going through my chubby phase. i first told him i loved him after homecoming when we were 14 and he told me he loved me back. we lost our virginity at 15 when my parent's went away for the weekend and i was supposed to be staying at jennifer shay's house. for the longest time i thought he was all i would ever need in the world. 

i was a blessed girl. i came from a great family, my mother loved me and spoilt me and doted on me as her own walking and talking doll and i was the apple of my father's eye, spoilt beyond belief with anything i asked for. they were both well off, both of them affording to give me anything i wanted. they never had to worry about me falling into the wrong crowd or getting pregnant at 15, because i had callen, they trusted him implicitly with their only daughter, from the very first days of our friendship the clever and sensible boy was the saviour of their beautiful but not very intelligent daughter. i'll be the first to admit i was no scholar. school never held any merit for me other then a place to show off my new outfit or hang out with my friends and boyfriend. i passed most of my classes due to callen's tutoring, although i spent most of them trying to tempt him into distractions. school seems like a million years ago now, but i still remember just how magical everything seemed back then, trusting myself to him and knowing that he was steadfast in his love for me. we were infallible. 

college was harder time. callen with all his smart's and brain's and drive was whisked away to harvard and while it was a short distance between us physically with us both studying in boston, the distance between us grew considerably. for once in my life i didn't feel like the superior one in the relationship. i didn't even know i'd felt that way until it was taken away from me. but all through out high school it was obvious that i was one of the prettiest girls in school and there were a lot of boys dying to have a chance with me, but i was always with callen and they never got half a chance. for a long time i believed myself to be gracing him with my presence, with my love and my beauty and that he was lucky to have me when i could have had any boy in the school. it wasn't that he wasn't handsome or clever or worth my time, because he was all of those things, but he wasn't a leader, he wasn't the most handsome or the most clever. college changed all that. while i had my father basically buy my way into an interior design course at the new england school of art and design, he was accepted into harvard with open arms. for once i was clinging to him instead of my beauty to get me through life, i was the girl who's 'boyfriend went to harvard'. 

a rift developed between us, although i may have been the only one to notice it. it wasn't a bitterness so much as a feeling of inadequacy that i hated from the very beginning. i was constantly plagued with thoughts of whether i would still be good enough for him when he left, if there weren't other girls, smarter more beautiful girls that were turning his affections from me. i distracted myself through harmless flirting with boys at my college, i never once intended to follow it through with any of them, but the attention soothed me, it made me feel special again and made me realise i had something to offer my big shot harvard boyfriend at the end of the day. the day he proposed i knew that everything i had been worrying about was all for nothing. he loved me and he would always love me, it was foolish to question something that was so steadfast in my life.

when he graduated we were married. the ceremony was beautiful, i couldn't have imagined anything more perfect. i was a princess, a vision of beauty and i was marrying the man of my dreams. i may not have loved the career path he was taking or the way he kept pestering me about children, but i loved him and i had learnt in the past that absolute faith in him would always get me through all my doubts. and i lived blissful for a year or so. i loved being married, i loved to call him my husband and to know that he was mine forevermore. i loved even more the day he came home to tell me we were moving to new york. it was a dream that i had been building in my head, the beautiful city of new york as the backdrop to the rest of our lives, like the married version of sex and the city, we would live chic lives and raise children and it would be perfect. a perfect setting to our perfect lives together. i begged him to take the job although he had doubts, i even tempted him with the one thing i'd known he wanted since the first night of our honeymoon, children. i talked up the beautiful story of raising our babies in a manhattan brownstone, or taking them for walks in central park and perfect christmas's visiting the ice rink at the rockefeller centre. i'd said the magic words and he took the job. my somewhat trivial job at my mother's interior design grew as i opened a new branch in new york. it flourished with my face at the helm and my mother's and my combined talents it was a small success almost overnight. 

i worked hard to make it work, i worked diligently with a young property developer, devon drake, for a few months, dressing his luxury apartments and eventually his own home. it was during this time, my unwavering devotion strayed. it was like college all over again, i was entranced by a new city and with callen and i both working such long hours, i didn't mind going along with devon's flirtations and charming invitations. we had drinks and dinner a few times, usually talking about business, but the dinners started getting more intimate one night he kissed me goodnight and i had to take a step back from the situation. the guilt from my dalliance was overwhelming, not just because of the kiss, but because i had enjoyed it so much. a part of me wanted to kiss him back, to take it further. a part of me loved the attention that my husband was no longer giving me. my guilt got the better of me though and a year after i'd promised to give him a family i finally stopped making excuses and gave in. it was the least i could do to ease my guilt and pull our marriage back together. 

i fell pregnant almost immediately, and took time off from the design firm. callen was a changed man, he started coming home for dinner and surprising me with romantic surprises. we was enraptured with me, with the idea i was pregnant with our baby and he couldn't get enough of it all. he booked us in for birthing classes and parenting classes, he read books and helped me furnish the nursery, i'd never expected him to be so active in the pregnancy, and i lapped up the attention. he doted on me almost 24/7, he treated me to romantic dinners or weekends away, he reminded me of the smitten high school boy all over again, the boy from that kindergarten playground, the man from our wedding day. i knew my wayward ways would be curbed from now on, we were back on track and we were starting a family together. 

in the later stages of my pregnancy i loved it less. i hated being fat, i hated how much callen loved it and i hated that he fussed over everything i did. i wanted the baby out and i wanted it out now. although, i couldn't have imagined how much worse that was. giving birth was a hell i never want to endure again. there is no pain that can amount to it, and after 32 hours of screaming and pushing and crying, all i remember is watching callen stare down loving at that disgusting mess of a baby and hating that i wouldn't be the only one that would get that look from him anymore. it makes me sound horrible, right? i hate thinking it, but for months after she was born i could only think of my jealousy when callen was with her. he came home from work and would only ask about her day and her mood and what she needed. i hated being a mother, i hated being selfless. i wanted my callen back from the baby harpy that had stolen his heart. 

i threw myself into working out and dieted dangerously to regain my old figure, sure that once i wasn't the fat mess of a baby delivery service, he would love me again, but it didn't work. i started flirting with strange men again, leaving judith with a nanny while i had lunch dates with charming new york stock brokers or hedge fund managers. they didn't know i was married let alone had a child and i relished in the attention and flirtation that came with my salad and sparkling water. once again though, my guilt caught up with me, but instead of making the mistake of fixing it with a child, i started to blame callen for my wandering eye. it was his fault i had never slept with another man, it was his fault i was curious, it was his fault that he was no longer giving me the attention and affection that he used to, choosing the baby over me and ruining our marriage. our fighting grew worse over time and eventually i couldn't stand it anymore, i filed for divorce and he moved out of the apartment. i kept custody of the baby, selfishly because i didn't want him to have her and forget about me. part of me hoped that separating them might make him remember that he loved me and he would come back, but i pushed him too far, his bitterness made him hate me. the divorce was finalised last november and the custody details have been in the courts ever since. first he wanted sole custody and i fought him ever inch of the way. not that i wanted her, but because i didn't want them to be happy together without me. it sounds bitter, but it would break my heart even more. with split custody it forces him to see me, and i get to see him and i hope that one day maybe this will work out. 

i like dating though, it's fun, it's thrilling, but it's not everything it was cracked up to be in the mind of a naive married girl. guys can be weird though, charming at dinner, picking up the check and then wants to tie you to his bed when you get home. callen would never have done that. and coming home to an empty apartment can be rough sometimes, you know?

ALIAS: tiana
AGE: 24
PLAY-BY: doutzen kroes
CITY: ny
LISTENING TO: song & artist

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