CASTELLANO, Clayton A.

[Deleted]

CLAYTON ANTHONY CASTELLANO

_{YOU'RE RARER THAN A CAN OF DANDELION & BURDOCK
AND THOSE OTHER GIRLS ARE JUST POST-MIX LEMONADE.}

_____________________________

NICKNAME: Clay.
AGE & BIRTHDAY: 22,  10/08.
HOMETOWN: Richmond, KT.
RESIDENCE: Los Angeles, CA.
PROFESSION: Songwriter. 
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single.

LIKES - my ex-girlfriend, weed, amsterdam, long legs, italian food, kentucky evenings, los angeles mornings, music, smoke, fire, little hotel shampoos, nachos, the taste of nicotine on a girls' lips, comforters, well executed thrillers, reading about serial killers, toddlers & tiaras, that feeling when you pee after needing to for a really long time, yellow cabs, black taxis, department stores, my macbook, superman, my batman impression, girls with tattoos, chai tea, kentucky wildcats, cheerleader porn, derby pie, the kentucky derby, maria sharapova, waking'n'baking, halloween, tom ford's noir de noir (since my ex wore it religiously).

DISLIKES - my exgirlfriend, instagram, sugar in my coffee, heavily exaggerated impressions of my accent, the avengers, cowboy boots, cats, red velvet, long fingernails, scientology, cults, people who pretend to get politics, people who actually get politics, politics, being accused of being a farm boy, the commute to seattle, serena williams, chalk, the subway, suntans, sunglasses, beaches, manscaping, the LA dating scene, my ex's band, regular tea, heated debates, most comedies, anyone who believes in horoscopes, tom ford's noir de noir (since my ex wore it religiously).

5 THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME -

WHY THE CITY LIFE?

I spent my childhood split between Seattle and Kentucky, being the product of a divorce. Cities are all I've ever known and all I really care to know. Why LA? Easy access to the green stuff. Not that it's hard elsewhere, but y'know, getting pulled over by the cops for being too chill is always a buzzkill. But cities exist because they're born out of those old bed fellows necessity and convenience-- why would you live anywhere else? Cities separate us from the animals. That and toaster ovens. 

DESCRIBE THE PEOPLE/FEEL OF YOUR BUILDING/NEIGHBORHOOD.

I'm pretty fortunate to have enjoyed some success in my job, mostly by writing for the little shits who cover thirteen year old girls' walls all over the world. I moved into a spacious apartment on the beach at my girlfriend's - sorry, ex girlfriend's - request, which was a stupid fucking idea in retrospect. Costs me a fortune (not a big deal) and I fucking hate the beach (a very big deal). But she loved it. That is, til she started touring and decided to abandon me... Yeah. I don't really know a lot about my neighborhood, or even the other losers living in this apartment block. I order everything online and don't work so much these days, so I don't see the light of day much. Took my eyes half an hour to adjust last time I left here to go get beer.

WHAT CHANGES HAVE YOU MADE IN THE PAST 5 YEARS?

Well, I haven't made so many changes. I've been sitting, rotting away playing video games for five years now, though sometime six months ago - 183 days, if you wanna get specific - Amity Lux of the band Messiah split up with me, ending a three year relationship and any chance I ever had at happiness. It's no big deal, I guess I just think about killing myself at least 70 times a day now, whereas it used to be never. I also changed the brand of shampoo I use - I'll be sure to keep you updated on how that works out.

HOW CAN SOMEONE TELL IF YOU'RE LYING OR GUILTY?

Part of my problem is that I don't bother to lie, much less feel guilty about any of the shit I've done. Probably could have worked on that.

DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONAL MORALS:

If she doesn't recognize the Carlton dance, she's too young for you. If she doesn't find the Carlton dance hilarious, she's not worth it.

HOW MIGHT SOMEONE ATTRACT YOUR ATTENTION?

By being Amity Lux. Why the fuck did she change her name to Amity Lux?! Why the fuck am I playing along? Her name's Annie Lutz.

ONE LOVES OR MANY LOVES? WHY?

ONE AND ONLY.

A FAVORITE KIND OF KISS?

One with Annie Lutz.

WOULD YOU RATHER RELIVE YOUR GREATEST MOMENT OR REDO YOUR WORST MISTAKE? EXPLAIN.

Relieve. Relieve, relieve, relieve. I've made multiple mistakes so redoing the worst wouldn't be enough.

FATHER: Tony Castellano.
MOTHER: Rose Lane.
SIBLINGS: Willa Castellano, 20. 
EXTENDED: N/A.
PETS: N/A.

"My parents got divorced when I was like twelve, old enough to care and too young to get it. I think it bothered me more than I let on... nah actually, it was more how my sister dealt with it. It's weird, she was a total wildchild when we were teens, giving me constant fucking migraines with all her bullshit. But sometime recently that all changed, and she's constantly nagging me to sort my life out. Sounds stupid coming from a girl I've seen overdose. Willa and I are pretty close. Sure we bicker, but we're siblings, and she spends a lot of time crashing at my place so she can hit the beach. My parents are cool too. Got new families, but they did a good job splitting their time with us evenly, even if Willa and I did stay with our dad in Kentucky. Real people, my parents, not at all caricatures. I'd say they did a solid B grade job at raising us, and that's pretty good."

 I was born in Richmond, Kentucky, which explains the accent. Feel free to get over it five minutes ago. I had an average childhood, went to school, got average grades, grazed my knees, made my sister cry, lost my lunch money... I don't trust someone who's got weird childhood stories. You're a kid, you don't want shit to be exciting at that point - I mean fuck, I found fighting over being the red Power Ranger a thrill. So yeah, I was a dull kid in a dull neighbourhood where the worst thing that ever happened was one kid getting hit by a bus one time. He didn't even die, it was that much of an anticlimax. Things got a little more interesting when my parents split, with my mom moving to Seattle while we stayed in good ol' KT with pa. It was more stable that way. My ma moved out there pretty much to live out the teens she felt she'd missed out on. She and my dad had met real young, and my dad... he's like a grumpy old man, and he was that way when he was a teen too. Marrying my mom at seventeen was the most impulsive thing he ever did, and even then, when you think 'bout it, that was just another way he was traditional.

 So it was doomed to fail, like everyone said. Didn't make it any easier on Willa. I guess it hit her hard that our ma was out living a life more exciting than hers, and when she hit her teens she hit the booze and the older boys pretty hard. I spent a night in a cell more than once for beating on those douchebags, and I'd spend as many more as it took if it meant keeping her safe. Carting between Seattle and Richmond was never gonna be fun, but it brought Willa and I closer together. When our parents remarried a few years ago it sorta cemented that. Me and Willa, against the world... at least, until Amity-- Annie became part of my life.

 I met Annie when I was eighteen years old, and I thought she was the baddest bitch I'd ever seen. All plush lips and tattoos... fuck, I still feel the way I felt that first day when I think of her now. She was puking on the sidewalk with her friend holding her hair back and I still thought she was beautiful. This was in Seattle. I'd gone back to see an old friend of mine only to find she'd disappeared, so I hit the bars by myself. Weirdly, Annie was as curious about me as I was about her. I guess I was a sight - only guy in the bar without a suit, the barmaid snorting every time I opened my mouth. She called me Smallville and ever since then I've kind of been sickened by Superman and Lois Lane - it's just bullshit, really, isn't it? Sexy, savvy, street-smart woman falling for the bumbling hick. Though I should point out that I really wasn't born on a farm, I swear.

 By this point I was already writing music and enjoying more success than an eighteen year old reasonably knew what to do with. So naturally I spent it on her. Fast forward two years and that was still the case, except we were living together in an extravagant apartment on the beach, an expense that my increasing soullessness allowed us to afford. See, she liked expensive shit, liked living in the penthouse apartment overlooking the beach. But she also liked thinking she was rock'n'roll as fuck, so she let me sell my soul to the devil and write music for fucking Disney stars, living off the benefits. I like the money, don't get me wrong, it's nice not to have to worry. But all I really need is enough space to sit and eat and sleep, and enough for weed and some take out, and I'm golden. I never wanted all this shit. It feels more hollow than ever.

 Anyway, the only music I actually enjoyed making was the stuff we wrote together. She was the lead singer of a band, and to be honest, they sucked. They looked the part, they could all play, but they couldn't write. So she and I wrote together. It was those songs - my songs - that propelled them into superstardom, and fuck do I hate myself for that. OK, so maybe I spent 99% of my time playing video games and ignoring her. Maybe I nodded along to everything she said, not really listening and hoping she'd give me head. Maybe I was a bit of an ass to her parents, and maybe I embarrassed her in front of her friends once or twice. But do you think she'd have up and left if she hadn't been a star? Fuck no she wouldn't. But a star she is, and leave me she did. The fucking bitch. Upped and changed her name to Amity Lux like a pretentious little ****. I literally can't go anywhere without hearing her shitty music, so I don't go anywhere.

 Not that I'd have anywhere to go if I wanted to. I got so wrapped up in being Clay & Annie, I forgot how to be just Clay. It sounds lame, but seriously, I did. I totally lost myself. Over those three years I steadily stopped seeing all my friends and family, and it's really only Willa who's forgiven me for it. She never did like Annie. Anyway, my misery propelled me to write a disgustingly soppy love song, and that disgustingly soppy love song was sang by a disgustingly overrated male solo artist, reaching the top of the charts practically overnight and making me more money than I know what to do with. I think that pisses people off too, to be honest. They hate me for abandoning them, for getting rich by selling my soul, and finally, just for being the dick I am. It's alright though, I figure it'll only be a couple years before I get some disease that kills me practically instantly, and then a few months after that for someone to smell the sickly sweet scent of human flesh rotting and find my corpse. TLC will be tragically playing on my TV. Maybe Annie'd care then.

ALIAS: lex.
AGE: twenty-one.
PLAY-BY: tom barker.
CITY: los angeles.
LISTENING TO: pass this on, the knife.

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