jonny kaplan
RESIDENT
22 | GUITAR TECHNICIAN
City: NEW YORK
Posts: 924
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Post by jonny kaplan on Oct 27, 2013 16:19:15 GMT -6
 
Eden, Eden... what can you say about a girl like Eden? Everything. That is, everything... and nothing. She's a contradiction. She likes food, but also sleep. She likes going out, but sometimes stays in. She's an enigma, a puzzle - but one I seek to solve. I guess when you're just two crazy white kids living in Manhattan it's easy to forget that no one gives a solitary fuck about you and your mundane cliched existence, and to consequently start a navel-gazing, mutual-masturbation blog under the guise of some sort of *social experiment*. Sometimes I look in the mirror and literal days pass. But yeah, back to Eden... what a girl. I can't be sure, but I'm guessing that she takes around 23,000 breaths per day. That her heart beats 100,000 times a day. That she's got 100 trillion cells, 300 million of which die only to be replaced every minute. She probably has 650 muscles, 260 bones, and her body is almost definitely 57% water. What I'm saying is that she's majestically average. I'm average. We're really super duper awesomely average. So we make great subject matter, right?!?!?!
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If you ask me Jonny is everything wrong with men these days. If you can even call him a man. He's more of a boy. That boy that excuses himself to go to the bathroom during your dinner date and, being the super charming guy he is, goes to the bathroom to take a piss and then comes back with some shit-eating grin on his face like he thinks that's not going to bother me. As annoying as that is, he still manages to steal the conversation. Not because he's cool or fascinating, but because I'm really obsessed with him so I really like to insert him into the conversation every time someone with tattoos comes on TV or I have a fleeting notion of how hot he is - which is to say he's so hot he's actually cold. His tattoos make him all that much better because wow who even has tattoos in New York? It's so innovative and rare, which sets him apart from all the non-tattooed weirdos. He does something with some band which means sometimes has good taste and sometimes doesn't. He really likes breaking into my apartment in the middle of the night, but only when convenient for him. All in all, he's really super so I just couldn't help agreeing to this excuse to talk about how much more amazing we are than everyone else in New York.
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1. No
2. one
3. gives
4. a
5. fuck.
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